Night time
by GeneFlowers
Summary: Much Ado About Nothing. A number of fillers that weren't in the play, but could have happened. So far: Benedick dreams about Beatrice, Beatrice rants about Benedick, Don Pedro etc discuss how B/B obviously fancy each other, Benedick and Bea meet, and DP and Beatrice discuss Benedick. My first attempt at Shakespeare fanfic. Please R&R.
1. Night Time: Benedick

**A/N: So, after re-reading Much Ado About Nothing, and re-watching the film twice, I was in the mood to write a fanfiction for my favourite Shakespeare play. This is all told from Benedick's POV, and takes place the night after the masked ball, where Beatrice insults him to his (masked) face. I have tried to keep it fairly true to the language and style of the play, however it is not written in iambic pentameter. Also, the italics are Benedick's thoughts in his dream (which, in case you're confused, starts after the dividing line). Hope you enjoy, and please give me a review if you've got the time!**

**Disclaimer: Obviously, I do not own Much Ado About Nothing. Shakespeare does.**

Night time

**Benedick**

O, she hath abused me something rotten, shooting arrow after poisonous arrow at me with all the aim of Robin Hood, though none of his good heart! Though I prepare for my bed rest now, I know I shall not be able to sleep, for I shall be up all night in a fury, devising an impossible slander against which that harpy shall have no retort! If I were not so sure of my excellent act, which so well hid my true person and character that even the keenest eye would not detect me for Benedick, I should not be surprised if she knew it were me, and threw her biting words at me heedless, indeed, with joy! For she holda no other pleasure in life but to spite me, and play me for a fool! And those mice that call themselves men, Claudio and Don Pedro, they wonder why I swear never to love a woman. 'Tis impossible! For those that are meek and gentle, and hold all those qualities that are generally desired by mankind, do not please me; I cannot see their worth. And yet, those who are a worthy match for me, in beauty and in wit, who I - could admire, had I not sworn to be a tyrant to the other sex - they, as my dear Lady Disdain, scorn and despise me, and I cannot like them, for they are too wily to be ensnared in any man's affection. [_Sighs_] Enough of this. I will to bed, and think no more on this subject that I love not.

[_Enter Claudio_]

**Claudio**

Good Benedick sleeps. I know not of what he dreams, but from tomorrow his nightly fantasies will be filled with nothing but the beauty and love of Beatrice, for the Prince's plan is concocted.

* * *

**Benedick**

If Signor Leonato be her father, she would not have his head on her shoulders for all of Messina, as like him as she is.

_An amusing pun. My wit really does serve me well -_

**Beatrice**

I wonder that you will still be talking, Signor Benedick; nobody marks you.

_Cold, cold woman! Well, lady, I will meet you._

**Benedick**

What, my dear Lady Disdain! Are you yet living?

_A good riposte. Aloof enough to sound distant, but with a sting in the tail. Match that, '_my lady'_!_

**Beatrice**

Is it possible disdain should die while she hath such meet food to feed it as Signor Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to disdain if you come in her presence.

_Harsh, dear lady, harsh. Oh, that my fellow soldiers should turn on me, laughing at her quip, and my own constitution should betray me, colouring like a cooked lobster. Never fear, though, for I am not done yet._

**Benedick**

Then is courtesy itself a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, excepting only the one who could ever be of worth. And I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart, for truly I love none who would confess their love to me.

_Why would I say that? Now she may think…no. Certain she will take it in jest, for that is how it was meant. She looks surprised though she recovers quickly_

**Beatrice**

A dear happiness to women, for could they not be expected to match you in wit, they would die from the pain of denying your pleasure. Even you, I chance to say, enjoy being beat from time to time.

_What does she mean by that? The script has been turned upside down, surely!_

**Benedick**

Ay, it is true few women can match me for my wit, and none can ever get the better of me.

**Beatrice**

None but the most proficient.

**Benedick**

Can this be? Know'st thou of a woman who could? I pray you, show me to her, I shall prove you wrong.

**Beatrice**

She stands before you.

_I remain speechless for but a moment, not because I am knocked out of my reason, of course, but rather I am trying to gather my thoughts. Means she what I think she means, responding mistakenly to my slip of the tongue previously? It cannot be. But I forget myself. I must counter her, or risk proving her right._

**Benedick**

Perchance we may meet on occasion in such a fierce battle of wits that neither of us can best the other, and we emerge with a draw. But if you believe you have ever won our battles, then I am afraid you are sadly deceived, madam. Remember, I am a soldier, and therefore better prepared than you for any battle.

**Beatrice**

Well, praise God and my cold heart that I am not your wife, then. Although I admit it would please me to frustrate your wit every day, and night too.

**Benedick**

Indeed, needs must you spend more time in my company if you are to frustrate me, for I am far from spent.

**Beatrice**

Do you challenge me, then? Should I spend more time with you, merely to wear out your wit? But alas, I fear mine would be exhausted as soon as I had conquered yours. Perhaps, then, I must find different ways to perplex you.

_She walks forward, holding my glare, and I wonder what downfall she is plotting for me now. Her face is now so close that there is but a hair's breadth between our lips._

**Benedick**

[_Whispering_] What are you doing, prithee?

_Why does my voice shake thus? Have I so little control over my own faculties in the face of this snake?_

**Beatrice**

Hush.

_Then her enchanting serpent's tongue darts out and she runs it slowly over my lower lip, eyes never leaving my gaze, and I can think no more. I lean forward, my eyes fluttering shut, but I feel a sudden sharp pain in my knee and my eyes snap open to find myself sprawled on the hard stone floor of my bed chamber. I curse._

**Claudio**

[_Laughing_] Of what did you dream, friend? You look mighty disappointed.

**Don Pedro**

Methinks he dreams of love. He may deny the attraction of a woman in life until his face turns blue, but in the unconsciousness of a dream every true thought of a man is revealed. He looked to me as if he were kissing a fair lady.

**Benedick**

I think not! Your words bring me into a foul humour, sir. I take my leave of you to bathe. [_Exit_]

**Don Pedro**

Peace, dear Benedick! [_Aside to Claudio_] Methinks this trap of mine will catch the poor Benedick as easy as a carrot attracts an ass. He hath some marks of love in him already.

[_Exeunt_]


	2. The Morning After: Beatrice

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to MegasaurusRex101, who was kind enough to review my first chapter, and encouraged me to write this one, from Beatrice's point of view. It is slightly different to the first chapter, and there is a lot of Hero at the start (partly because I like Hero as a character, much better thah Claudio, but she rarely gets to speak in the original play) but also because I think she is one of the few (possibly the only) person Beatrice trusts enough to reveal anything that makes her feel vulnerable. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, I have written another chapter, which I should hopefully put up later today or tomorrow.**

**The Morning After: Beatrice**

**Hero**

[_Sweetly_] Good morning, cousin.

[_Beatrice nods, distracted_]

**Hero**

What troubles you, cousin?

**Beatrice**

Nothing

**Hero**

I know you too well to be fooled by such a weak deflection. Now tell me, what - or perhaps I should say, who - bothers you?

**Beatrice**

Wherefore would you say who? I care for no man in the world, excepting my dear uncles, and no other person, excepting yourself, and as none of you are, to my knowledge, sad, or sick, and not one of you has vexed me, I know not why you should suggest a 'who' preoccupies me.

**Hero**

Therefore you admit that you are preoccupied?

**Beatrice**

N- yea, you know me too well, coz, to believe me when I deny it. But enough of me; be you happy, engaged as you are to Claudio since last night? Or hath he already driven you so near the brink of patience that you are reduced to drowning your sorrows in the haranguing of your poor, maltreated cousin?

**Hero**

Nay, jest not, Beatrice. I am most happy; words cannot do justice to how much. But perhaps you are sad because I have what you hath not. A man promised as your husband gives such cause for bliss as can never be felt in any area of life besides, I believe.

**Beatrice**

I pray that I never need any sort of man to give me such contentedness!

Though I hope you experience differently, dear cousin, all men I have ever known or heard of exist seemingly for no purpose at all, unless to aggravate and belittle us.

**Hero**

So it _is _a man who troubles your soul.

**Beatrice**

I did not say that!

**Hero**

Tell me, cousin, is it men in general, or one man in particular, who hath driven you to distraction?

**Beatrice**

Both, by my troth! Though I flatter myself, never to distraction!

**Hero**

Is the particular man the good Signor Benedick?

**Beatrice**

He has not a drop of good in his entire body. Oh cousin, you are too wily!

**Hero**

You have lessoned me well. But tell me, dear coz, what precisely irks you about Signor Benedick? In truth, he seems an amiable, happy-spirited fellow to me. And he is, after all, the bosom friend and sworn brother of my dear, sweet Claudio.

**Beatrice**

Ha! And has he not a new sworn brother at every cycle of the moon? As to why he irks me so - well that can be easily explained. His every word, movement, presence or breath vexes me exceedingly. I am almost in a fury, for even when he is out of sight, he appears unwanted, like a demon in my head, throwing out his pointless jests and futile attacks. He will not beat me. But it is almost more than I can bear.

**Hero**

But why he in particular? I know you have sworn never to marry, and to dislike all men on principle, but you seem to despise him above all others!

**Leonato**

[_From below_] Hero! Claudio is arrived to see you!

[_Hero looks at Beatrice expectantly_]

**Beatrice**

It matters not. Pay no heed to me, I am perfectly well. Be off and spend some time in pleasanter company.

[_Hero exits_]

Why doth he perch in my head so, unmoving? He laughs himself almost to tears at my struggle to deflect my cousin, and I cannot seem to eject him, undesired though his presence is. Wherefore must this petty jester continue to rile me? Ay, his false heart hath caused me to lose faith in any and all men, but not for love of him. He merely showed me man's true folly, and for that, I should of all things be grateful. Nay, it is not his actions previous perturb me, but the air he carries now, for he wears the guiltless, blameless cloak of one wronged. Yet the wrongdoing was all he! That he should accuse me of misusing him past all mineral endurance! My barbed words to him are no more than he deserves, and I should be glad to know they have pained him so, if I did not know him to be a false and fickle creature, claiming injury on his side when it was on the other! Oh, an I were Don Pedro, I would not have him in my army for all of Italy!

[_Beatrice walks to the window. Hero and Claudio are walking and laughing together outside_]

Enough of him. But although my cousin be in bliss for the sake of a man, my faith in men cannot be restored, unless Hero live her entire life in such bliss and suffers not from the whims that all men, even Claudio, must possess! For they are two of the sweetest souls I have ever known, and if their bond hath no hope, then can anyone's?

[_Exits_]


	3. The Plan

**A/N: The third chapter, ladies and gentlemen! Featuring Don Pedro, Leonato, Hero and Claudio, discussing Bea and Ben (and how they obviously, like _totally_ dig each other ;)) Quite a bit shorter than the last two, but I've got another B/B one half-planned in my head! **

**Enjoy!**

**The Plan**

[_Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Leonato and Hero_]

**Don Pedro**

I thank my gracious host for his hospitality last night, and all you for gathering here.

**Leonato**

'Tis an uncountable pleasure.

**Don Pedro**

We must set our trap for Benedick and Beatrice carefully. They must be left in no doubt of the strength of the other's feelings.

**Hero**

_We _are certainly in no doubt.

**Claudio**

Indeed, Benedick talks of little else but 'that witch, Beatrice'!

**Hero**

And Beatrice thinks of little other than Benedick. Why does she hate him so?

**Leonato**

From what I gather, he stole her heart and used it ill, although of course she never speaks of it. All I know is, she has sworn to hate mean with a passion outdoing even the fiercest fighter ever since she saw him last.

**Don Pedro**

Methinks Benedick felt as much sorrow when they parted so, though he hid it well with wit and war.

**Leonato**

In any case, they enjoy jousting with each other. 'Tis certain they would never be bored, were they married.

**Don Pedro**

I recall you saying, sir, that they would talk themselves mad were they but a week married.

**Hero**

Mad, yes, but for certain never bored. My cousin is never truly happy unless she is speaking some wit, or plotting when next to strike with it.

**Claudio**

Ay, and Benedick the same.

**Don Pedro**

We are agreed they are a perfect pair, then?

**Leonato**

I have rarely seen a couple so well fitted, for they raise a passionate fire within each other.

**Don Pedro**

And if that fire be tamed from hate to love by our cunning hands, perchance we may see not one but two weddings within the week.

**Claudio**

Amen to that.

[_Exeunt_]


	4. The Meeting

**A/N: They finally meet! This probably takes place around the same time as the last chapter. And btw, I chose a mulberry tree partly because it is a good climbing tree (according to Google), but also because it represents wisdom, and was associated with goddess Minerva/Athena (both fitting and ironic with regards to Beatrice, I think).**

**Enjoy!**

**The Meeting**

**The grounds of Leonato's house, under a mulberry tree**

**Benedick**

O fie, fie on that rotten woman! That I should despise her so, indeed, _more _than I despise all women, put together…and yet, in my slumber, I should think of her thus? Nay, I cannot think on it! It is too much for a sane man to bear. Her infuriating presence shall turn me to a madman ere I leave this godforsaken place! Alas! here comes none other than she, the unwilling object of my mutinous thoughts. I will hide myself.

[_Benedick climbs mulberry tree. Beatrice enters_]

**Beatrice**

Oh, that my dearest cousin be so happy, it does please me. But that she takes her pleasure from such a foolish thing as love, such a changeable thing as a man, gives me heartburn. I cannot think other than that something will go awry. It always does, with men.

**Benedick**

[_Aside_] Ha! As like that woman causes mishap, as the other way 'round.

**Beatrice**

But Claudio may prove as good as a man can be. It is his sworn brother that really gives me stomachache. Let us hope he is as fickle as I know him to be, and turns his back on good, poor Claudio now he has declared himself as Monsieur Love. I cannot stomach mere thought of his existence, yet alone the senseless, constant reminder of it. Oh, _why _had he to return from the wars? Would he have perished in it, and spared me my reason!

[_Beatrice kicks mulberry tree. Benedick falls out_]

Signior Montanto! 'Tis imposition enough that you are alive when no one wants you. But to espy on a lady from a tree? I shall have you banished, sir!

**Benedick**

Were it true that I espied a lady, I would indeed be at risk of banishment. As it was, however, I saw only a venomous vixen.

**Beatrice**

Would I were a wily vixen, an it meant I could eat a crow like you.

**Benedick**

A crow of my swiftness would fly too quickly to be caught.

**Beatrice**

That you flee when you are like to be quashed, I know yet.

**Benedick**

O, you are a rare word witch!

**Beatrice**

Tell me, good scarperer, how many of my words did you mark where you nested?

**Benedick**

None that I understood, for I speak not the language of _your _species.

**Beatrice**

It is too wise for you, I wager. I should have known. You are nothing but a small-brained beast. You only screech nonsense.

**Benedick**

You do nothing but belittle me. Know'st thou that 'twere me whom you insulted 'neath a mask?

**Beatrice**

If I knew, I cared not.

**Benedick**

You do not deny it?

**Beatrice**

I neither deny nor confirm - thus I defeat poor Benedick by bewilderment.

**Benedick**

You maddening hag! You would not have a husband an you wanted one! I am astounded your own uncle has not thrown you out!

[_Pause_]

What! Have you no retort?

[_Beatrice turns away_]

**Beatrice**

[_Aside_] Oh why must he enrage me right to tears!

**Benedick**

Beatrice?

**Beatrice**

Why must we always fight so?

**Benedick**

What is wrong with it?

**Beatrice**

Why can you not simply _leave me be_?

**Benedick**

I -

**Beatrice**

I did not ask you here. You knew you were more unwanted than a pimple or a blister. Yet insist you on actively seeking me out, to pry on me, to pull me apart! Why?

**Benedick**

I did _not _'seek you out'! And I flatter you that _you are_ the originator of our skirmishes!

**Beatrice**

Ha! You have a shorter memory than even I could have thought!

**Benedick**

You - I - let us stop this, now, Beatrice. Let us make peace until Claudio and Hero are wed.

**Beatrice**

Why?

**Benedick**

Because...however insufferable I find you, I do not like to see you thus distressed.

**Beatrice**

Distressed? Who is distressed? If I am in slightest distressed, you are near dead from it!

**Benedick**

So, have we a truce?

**Beatrice**

I wager you cannot last a week. But in the spirit of competition, I shall agree to your peace.

**Benedick**

Then you have already lost. I stake you will not last a day. But hush. Let us seal it.

[_They shake hands_]

'Til dinner, _fair Beatrice_.

**Beatrice**

Ay, _good Benedick_.

[_Both laugh_]

[_Benedick exit stage left, Beatrice exit stage right_]


	5. The Properest Man in Italy

**A/N: Not sure how I feel about this chapter - I don't know whether I've kept the language as Shakespearean as it is in other chapters, and I'm not sure how well it works. However, the scenario is this: it takes place just after last chapter, after lunch (still before both eavesdropping scenes), and is my interpretation of the conversation with Beatrice that Don Pedro refers to in Act 5, Scene 1. Let me know what you think!**

**The Properest Man in Italy**

[_Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Beatrice, Leonato and Hero_]

**Don Pedro**

Thank you for an excellent luncheon, sir. We are so well-fed here that I scarce need to be fed again before supper!

**Leonato**

It is my humble pleasure.

**Claudio**

It is a shame Benedick could not join us.

**Beatrice**

Perhaps he is already stuffed.

[_Leonato shakes head_]

**Claudio**

Will you take a turn about the garden with me, sweet Hero? If it pleaseth your father, of course.

**Leonato**

It gives me all possible pleasure. I shall take leave of you now, to join my brother.

[_Exeunt all but Don Pedro and Beatrice_]

**Beatrice**

Prince, you look sad! Tell me why, and I shall make you merry!

**Don Pedro**

I have lost the love of a worthy lady.

**Beatrice**

Pray tell me, who?

**Don Pedro**

It matters not. Tell me, what think you of Signior Benedick?

**Beatrice**

[_Sighing_] Have I not made myself clear on that point? Have I not declared my opinion so loudly and forcefully that the whole of Messina, and perhaps Italy, knows my will.

**Don Pedro**

Methinks yourself and Benedick share similar dispositions. You jest and make fun of all, but truly, you cannot be so devoid of honest feeling. I am a friend, dear lady. I will not part with your secrets. Tell me your heart.

**Beatrice**

My heart is for my cousin and my uncles Leonato and Antonio. Not for any man, and certainly not for Signior Benedick.

**Don Pedro**

And that cannot be altered?

**Beatrice**

Never, by my troth. But for what purpose do you ask, sir?

**Don Pedro**

To prove to myself that I am right. That you and Benedick are most alike in your ways.

**Beatrice**

Ha! I should hope not! In all else but marriage, we are divided by a fissure so deep that if one were to fall through it, they would fall right through the Earth.

**Don Pedro**

Your wits are similar.

**Beatrice**

False. My wit exceeds in every way.

**Don Pedro**

You are indeed a most intelligent competitor. But dost thou not think he has a fine wit?

**Beatrice**

True. A fine little one.

**Don Pedro**

Troth, no, a…great wit.

**Beatrice**

Right. A great gross one.

**Don Pedro**

Nay, a good wit.

**Beatrice**

Just. It hurts nobody.

**Don Pedro**

Nay, the gentleman is wise.

**Beatrice**

Certain, a wise gentleman.

**Don Pedro**

Nay, he hath the tongues.

**Beatrice**

That I believe, for he swore a thing to me on Monday night that he forswore on Tuesday morning. There's a double tongue. There's two tongues.

**Don Pedro**

You are right, fair lady. No man can match you in your wit.

**Beatrice**

No man but he would attempt it. Yet, he has sworn to keep peace for a week, and now I shall run mad for having no equal opponent to crack my wit on. He swears, and forswears, and fights, and betrays, but for all that I hope he chokes on his word and humours me again. I would I had not a prideful countenance, for as I do, I would call myself the properest woman in Italy. [Sighing] And as I do myself that honour, I would just as like call him the properest man in Italy.

**Don Pedro**

Mean you to say you like the gentleman, after all?

**Beatrice**

Nay, nay! He is a double-dealer and a fool to boot, and my heart loathes him with so much of itself that it can scarce perform its function. But an I did not hate him deadly, I would love him dearly. For that would irritate him more than any taunt my displeasure can scratch him with.

**Don Pedro**

You swear you love him not, then?

**Beatrice**

I love no man, and love him less than the others. But enough of this! You are an agent of Benedick, sir, come to break my side of our wager of peace, by making me break insult on him. Inform him I know of his sabotage. Yet again he loses as I reveal his ploy. And so I leave you.

[_Exit Beatrice_]

**Don Pedro**

She doth lay out all poor Benedick's faults, yet calls him 'the properest man in Italy'. Why, the lady is in love!

[_Exit Don Pedro_]


End file.
